Steven has told a lot about the planes, but I haven't taken the time to post anything on what I have been up to. Well, I am more like a spectator since I am not the one doing the creating, but there is a baby on the way! I am now 35 weeks along, and due May 10. God willing it will stay until May 11 which is Steven's and my brother Michael's birthday. Here are a few pictures of the bump growing!
Another worry I had was inheriting an incompetent cervix. My Mom struggled to have children, challenged by an incompetent cervix. She also lost two babies, one half term, and I wondered if I also could have the condition. There was no way to tell and not many tests you can do until you have already lost at least one baby in the second trimester. Add to this the fact that a good friend of mine lost her baby at 38 weeks, and I was a very anxious pregnant lady.
I began to have problems right from the beginning. I had a lot of uterine contractions, cramping, etc, early on. They were strong and wouldn't go away sometimes. I visited the Doctor quite often and she gave me some kinds of medicine, but they were always temporary fixes. I knew that it wasn't good to take too much medicine anyways. This went on for months, until one day I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of being on edge, tired of the stress of worry, and tired of wondering if this little life would one day make it into my arms.
I lay there, since I was practically on bed rest, and thought things over. Ever since the beginning of this pregnancy I had been too scared to pray to God about this baby. My reasoning was that when you pray for someone you become more attached to them. I didn't want to get attached to this baby just in case I lost it too, so I wouldn't talk to God about it. I couldn't ask for prayers from others either. I realized it was too late to not love this baby. I did love it, and it was a part of me that I couldn't distance myself from any longer. So why was there so many problems?
When we take burdens on ourselves, God can't help you carry them. If you are carrying them, God isn't there so Satan can be. It occurred to me that since I hadn't invited God in and surrendered my worries to Him, trusting that His will is the best, then Satan had full reign of the situation. Where God is not, Satan is. I wondered if many of my symptoms were not being caused by Satan to fuel my fear and make it just that much harder to talk to God about it. I was afraid of what God might ask me to give up. I was afraid He would ask me to surrender the life of my baby into His hands. I couldn't. How can a human give up the desires and worry for her child? How is it possible for me to reach the point where I could say, 'God, if you take my child or let me raise it, it is ok with me'. I couldn't. All I could do was ask for forgiveness and for help to give up my baby and surrender it into God's hands. I pleaded for the peace I had been missing since the beginning of the pregnancy. I also asked God to fill my life and the life of my baby with His presence so that Satan couldn't harass or do anything more.
That was when things changed. I received peace again, and God helped me surrender. It was a daily battle of surrender for some time, but I could once again pray and ask for prayers. I asked Jesus to come into my life and to push Satan out, and from that day on (except for one other occasion) I did not have any more of the same problems I was having. The other time I again began experiencing contractions and pains, I prayed once again asking Jesus to remove Satan, and the same day the contractions stopped.
We are in a spiritual battle. It touches our lives in ways we might not realize. I didn't suspect that my health challenges could be no more than attacks from Satan, but obviously they were. When my heart was once again right with God, all the health problems went away. God wants our hearts and we need to trust Him. If we find we are unable, we can ask Him to help us to trust. It sometimes is as unnatural as a mother concluding that it is ok if her baby lives or dies, but our God is a God of miracles and heart transformations.
Now that I am finishing 35 weeks and am eagerly preparing for the arrival of our baby, we can only thank God for His mercies and blessings. So far they tell us it is a healthy baby. In a week and a half I go for another ultrasound which will give more insight as to what is going on inside. Little by little God has been providing the things we need, and soon we will get to meet the little wiggle worm face to face!
All is well, and God is good.
God Bless you! Helen